You Suck: A Love Story Chapter 31

Chapter Thirty- aneBeing the Chronicles of Abby NormalNot Un same the Toaster, I Control the shabbinessSo I slept a little that day, and blabed to my sweet love-ninja, Foo, a touch of quantify on the ph integrity, consequently he came over and we left J atomic number 18d with around blood for victor make near and the Countess when they awoke, and motored to the loft. It took kindred an second to clean up only the broken glass and ash and stuff from the shadow before. We had skilful correct cleaning and counting the money and making bring out and whatnot when the alarm went out on the Countesss watch.And I was same, Dude, Im not ready.And he was either, Dude, you are more ready than anyone Ive ever agnizen.And I was all, OMG, I am so going to sex you to death if we live through this.And then he was all bashful and imitation to be doing roughthing technical so we were ready.Then, like an hour by and by sun peck, I heard them coming. I was at the kitchen counter w hen the security door downstairs opened, and when I turned well-nigh they were just, like there. Lord inundate called them the Animals, plainly now they were kind of the roadkill. And I like touched the snap on my UV jacket, just to make sure it was there.So I was all, Hey, vampyre scum.And the formerly black and now gray one, who was like their leader, was all up in my grille, like, We need the money, where is the money?And I was like, Step discharge, undead-tard. Theres no money.And he was like, Dont fuck with us. Flood and the red-header took like half-dozen hundred grand from my apartment.And I was all, Actually, its like five hundred and eighty-three thousand eight hundred and fifty-eight.And he was all, Give itAnd all seven of them were like gathering around me even the born-again one the Countess had thrashed like they were going to do the massive gang-suck on me, so I had my finger on my light button all the time, in case I needed to flash-fry the m other(a)fuckers. exclusively I stayed chilly and I was like, Are you high?And he was all, No, Im not high. No one is high.And they all started whining and whatnot, all, We piece of tailt even take a bong hit. We cant drink a beer. Our systems wont take it. Being sober sucks. We are useless undead stoners.So I was all, Step back and behold, bi-atches.And Im all taking a bottle of Stoli out of the freezer, and mixing in a glass with some of the blood from the pouches, just like the ones we left for the Countess and Lord Flood, and theyre all drooling when they see the blood, so I was thinking, Dont make me fry you.But then I concord the glass to the gray vamp, and hes all, Sweet.And the others are like, Me, me, me.So Im like mixing Bloody Marys all around, and the greasy hippyish one is like, Can we dunk pot cookies in this?And Im like, Of course, stoner vamp.And theyre all, You are a goddess. And we are not worthy. And oh please, whitethorn we have some more? Until they started to drop.So like two minutes later theres like this with child(p) pile of passed-out vampyres in the kitchen, and Im all, Yo, Foo, I got your shit ready.And Foo comes out of the bedroom, all cute, holding his UV floodlight like hes going to save me, then sees that they are all out cold and gives me a big snog and is like, You rock.And Im like, You have no idea, my Manga-haired love toy.And he was like, The sedative in the blood, blah, blah, four hours, blah, blah, nerdspeak, geektalk And Im like, Whateva, studmumn. Handle it.So it took like two hours for Foo to do all his aesculapian stuff with the Animals, taking some blood and doing various medical nerdism stuff to it, then putting it back in, but lastly he was done and I called Jared to ascertain him that we were on our way to set out Lord Flood and the Countess.So I like made the other call to make sure everything was all in order and whatnot, and Foo was all, Are you sure this is what you take to do?And I was all, Foo, theirs is the greatest love of all time. Its the only thing to do.And he was all, Okay, as long as youre sure. Because we can do them the same as we did the others.And I was all, No, that wont work. They have to be together. And you dont have to live at home anymore. Well have a completely sweet love lair.So we did it.Blue watched from the alley across the highroad as the Animals came out the security door, empty-handed, and stumbled into the street. She knew she should have gone herself, but that whole getting-burned-up thing had taught her that by chance it was better to delegate. That they didnt have her money was bad enough, but that they didnt have her money and heat was coming off of them was disastrous. Those dumbfucks cant get anything right, she give tongue to to herself. Im going to have to kill them all over again.I dont think so, verbalize a voice from behind her. She whipped around, leading with her long fingernails in a swipe that would have taken off half a mans face.Elijah caught he r hand. Hed found another tracksuit, this one powder blue. Its time to let it go. The djinn must go back in the bottle, Im afraid.Let me go, I need to go get my money.No, my dear, you dont want to do that. The residents of that loft have recently developed a very unpleasant fashion sense.Youre screwing with my income, paleface.You dont need to worry about that anymore.Meaning what?It ends here. Come with me, my dear.You want me to come with you? I dont even know you.Yes, but we share a special relationship.Special? You beat my face into the hood of a Mercedes.Well, yes. Sorry. To the inexperienced person my behavior can sometimes be distasteful.Yeah? Innocent, Ive fucked thousands of guys.Yes, well, Ive killed enough to fill a city.Blue shrugged. Okay, you win. avenge is a dish best served cold anyway, dont you think?Or not at all, verbalize a male voice behind Elijah.Elijah and Blue turned. Three of them stood there in their long coats, looking like sculptures, looking eternal, like they could wait forever.Can just anyone sneak up on me now? utter Blue.Time to go, Elijah, said the African woman.None of you would be here if it werent for me, Elijah said.Yes, and we would have been hunted down and killed a long time ago if we hadnt adhered to your rules.Ah, my rules, Elijah said, looking down now.How many left to clean?Elijah looked across the street to the loft windows, then at Blue. She raised an eyebrow, smiled a little.Shes the only one left. He lied.Then force out it.Id rather not, Elijah said.The Emperor of San Francisco wept for his city. He had done what he could, called the police, alerted the newspapers, even tried to take to battle himself, but by the time hed gathered the courage to return to the Marina Safeway, it had been finished, and he could do nothing more than invent to the uniformed police officers how the window had been broken and why the store was empty. Theyd tried to track down the night crew, but none of them seemed to be home. And his city was plagued by vampires. Now the Emperor wept and consoled the troops, rubbing Bummer behind the ears and mildly patting Lazarus on the ribs as he lay sleeping on the dock. The fog was coming slow off the Bay tonight, not windblown like it was so often here.He heard foot feels before he saw them, then there were five of them. The behemoth, the three in the long coats he had seen come in the night before, and a blond woman in a blue party dress. They walked past, and only the fiend turned and paused. The Emperor held Bummer tight, afraid that he would burst into one of his barking fits and all would be lost.Old man, said Elijah. The City is yours again. Then he joined the others at the end of the dock.The Emperor could see their motor racing yacht waiting outside the breakwater it had to be two hundred feet long, far too big to put on the marina.Very well, then, shall we go? said Elijah.Can I get a coat like that? asked Blue, pendulous toward the tall blond man.The b lond man said, Youll get one when you learn the secret handshake and get your decoder ring.Blue looked at Elijah. Is he fuckin with me?Yes, said Elijah. He offered her his arm. She took it, and stepped down into the longboat.The Emperor watched the vampires disappear into the fog.Rivera had six uniforms in SWAT gear with a battering ram ready to take down the door, so he and Cavuto were more than somewhat surprised when it opened almost as soon as they knocked. A shirtless, sleepy-looking Chinese guy with spiky hair stood in the doorway.Yes, can I help you?Rivera held up the warrant. I have a warrant to search this apartment. Kay, said the Chinese guy. Abby, cops are here.The skinny broken bozo girl appeared at the top of the stairs in a kimono.Hey, cops, said Abby Normal.What are you doing here? Rivera said.I live here, cop. She popped the p. Rivera hated that.Actually, its my apartment, said the Chinese guy. Do you need to see ID?Yeah, that would be nice, take in, said Cavuto. H e whipped the kid around and marched him up the stairs as the kid read the warrant.Do not appall the Foo, cop, said the broken clown girl.Rivera turned to the uniforms and shrugged apologetically. Sorry, guys, I guess we got this one. They shuffled away.What are you guys looking for? asked the Chinese kid. by chance we could speed this up.Were looking for Thomas Flood and Jody Stroud. Hes the one on the lease for this apartment and the one down the street.Oh, yeah. Im subletting, said the Chinese kid.Steven Wong, Cavuto read off the kids license.Rivera was feeling very, very bad about this. They had found one more body in the Mission with the blood-loss-and-broken-neck MO the guy had been naked, supposedly someone had stolen his powder-blue tracksuit, so they logged it as robbery, but then, a week ago, the killings stopped. That didnt mean it was over. Hed made the mistake of thinking it was over with these two before. Rivera had finally gotten the Christian kid at the Safeway to file charges on the redhead for assault. After a long talk with the other stoners, theyd gotten the Flood kid on the arrest warrant for conspiracy. Theyd also implied that somehow Flood and the redhead had gotten their share of the old vampires money. Maybe they had left town. If they had, well, good, but he compose had a slew of dissonant murders.Youre subletting from Thomas Flood?I never met him, actually, said Steve. We arranged it through the rental agent.Yeah, so step off, cop, said the skinny girl.Rivera looked around the apartment. There was no need to tear the place apart. Obviously everything in here was new. Mostly decorated in Pier 1 Imports cheap wicker motif and some punky Urban Outfitter flair, which he guessed was the input of the creepy little girl.The bronze sculptures were out of character, though. A large nude of a young woman, a large snapping turtle, and a life-sized bronze of a couple posed as if in Rodins The Kiss.These must have been expensive, Rivera sai d.Not really. I know the artists, the Chinese kid said. Some biker guys down the street.Foos in biotech, said the broken clown girl. He makes like stupid money, cop.Yeah, thats swell, said Rivera. Hed watched this neighborhood turn from a rust slum of repair shops and the odd ethnic restaurant to a gentrified hive of hipster professionals in remodeled lofts during the dot-com boom, and it had never turned back. The whole neighborhood was full of kids who worn out(p) the equivalent of Riveras annual salary on a car they wouldnt drive a dozen times a year. This kid apparently was just another one.So you dont know these people? Rivera said, pointing to the warrant.Steven Wong shook his head. Sorry, Ive never met them. I send my rent directly to the rental agency. You might check with them.Okay then. Sorry to tizzy you.Okay then? Cavuto said. Thats it?Theyre not here, Nick. These two dont know where they are.But, thats not enough.Yeah? You want to spend some time talking to Allison he re, see what you can find out? Rivera nodded toward the broken clown girl.Cavuto had tried to exert someone between himself and the skinny girl since theyd come upstairs, but now he looked at her full on and shuddered. No, I guess thats it. He turned and lumbered down the steps.You need to check your girlfriends ID, Rivera said to Steve. You may not be old enough for her. Then he turned and left as well.Chill, Foo, Abby said. Theyre gone. They wont be back. Lets go shopping.Abby, are you sure about this? It seems cruel. He patted the life-sized sculpture of the couple embraced in a kiss.I heard the Countess say once that it was like being in a dream. They just crystallize of float, all peaceful and dreamy. The main thing is theyre together.Youre sure?Theirs is the greatest love of all time. It would be impairment for them to be apart, Foo.Well, I think we should just change them back. Now that we know the process works.Someday.Now.The Countess doesnt want that.Its wrong.How can it be wrong? Its my idea, and I am their dedicated minion and whatnot. I control the dark. She ran and jumped into his arms.I guess you do, he said. Okay, lets go shopping for stuff for our most fly apartment.William arrived back at the loft just after dark, feeling very much rested and well fed from his hospital stay, but craving a sip or two of the good stuff, and terribly worried about Chet. He let himself into the staircase with his key, but when he rang the bell, no one answered, so he sat down to wait for the redhead and that guy to bring his bottle.He hadnt been there ten minutes before he heard the meowing at the door, and his heart leapt as he opened the outer door to find Chet, his red sweater still intact, purring outside.Come on, boy. I missed you, buddy.William scooped up his kitty and carried him into the stairwell. As soon as the door closed, Chet, the abundant shaved vampire cat, was upon him.